Confessions of a Control Freak

I admit it. I’m a bit of a control freak. (Okay, perhaps more than a bit.)

I dislike chaos and crave orderliness. Delegate is a dirty word for me. Peace and calm are my constant goal. Change scares me (just the word makes me cringe).

I recently chaired an event that required me to rely on others for the majority of the components. It was hell. In the end, it all worked out but the week prior to the big day, I gained five pounds (I eat when I’m stressed) and lost countless hours of sleep.

It’s a problem, I know, and not something I’m particularly proud of. You would think my need for control would have been cured after having three children. After all, there’s nothing like a sick baby or an unexpected homework assignment to throw your to-do list right out the window.

But sadly, I somehow held on to my controlling habits, despite the best efforts of my children to derail me.

I don’t think it’s wrong of me to want a calm, orderly life. I think control, in many cases – especially as a mother – is important. It’s just not a good thing when it affects you physically. Or when it affects your life and those around you.

I’m afraid I am teaching my children, especially my youngest, that change is something to be scared of. And THAT is not a good thing.

And that is what I’m trying to work on in 2014. I’m going to keep my orderly life, but throw in some change every once in a while.

As you know from my last post, I picked up Lu Ann Cahn’s new book, I Dare Me. It’s a great book about doing new things to recharge your life. I loved it and have already made a list of things I want to do for the first time (or for the first time in a long time).

For example, I tend to sit in the same pew for Mass every Sunday. Not so unusual, as I see many families do the same thing each week. But, just to switch it up, I will not only sit in a different pew, I will sit on a different side of the Church.

Now, there are probably two different reactions you could have to this statement. You are right now either nodding your ahead in agreement and understanding, since you tend to be a creature of habit as well, or you are shaking your head in amazement that I actually have to make a resolution to sit somewhere else in Church. (Crazy, I hear you thinking!)

For those in the latter group, I applaud your spontaneity – really! But sadly, I think there are a number of us “control freaks” out there who are set in their ways and see change as a dirty word.

For those of you, I say join me. Join me in shaking up your life a little.

What else do I have planned for 2014:

1. Going to a movie in the middle of the day by myself.
2. Going tech-free for a day.
3. Dance in the rain.
4. Sell/buy something on e-bay.
5. Finger paint
6. Host a home trunk show.
7. Learn to Hula Hoop.
8. Learn to put on and wear fake eyelashes.
9. Stay silent for a day.
10. Yoga on the beach.

And many, many more.

In fact, I’ve already marked a few “firsts” off my list, including learning to recite the ABC’s backwards and shopping in a new market in the area. Grant it, they’re not earth-shattering opportunities, but it’s a start – a new way of looking at the same old things. And it’s a chance for this old control freak to shake things up a bit and see that change does not have to be scary.

For once, I’m actually looking forward to some change in my life. And I’m learning to ignore those butterflies in my stomach and take a chance.

Any other control freaks out there looking to shake it up a bit?