Mom Said

My mother had a saying.

Well, she had many sayings: “pick up your feet” when someone was trying to brown-nose her; “break every bone in your body”, usually directed at my brother or the dog when they were acting up (ironically she never laid a hand on any of us but that threat was good enough to stop any goings on), and “this room is a pigsty” – self-explanatory and usually directed at the bedroom of my sisters and I. But one of her favorite sayings (and I’m sure the one she would most like to be remembered by) was “Kindness is your name.”

Sometimes, she even sang it- “Kindness is your name.”

This was always said when one of us (she had six children – not including the dog or my Dad) was gossiping about someone. Of course, at the time, we never appreciated hearing that little ditty. We would be ranting about a teacher who did us wrong, or a friend who mistreated us, and my mother would listen patiently and usually end our tirade with those four little words, “Kindness is your name.”

Sometimes, she wouldn’t even be involved in the conversation. I would be deep in a discussion with a friend about a girl in school who had the nerve to commit some atrocity against me, and she would float by, carrying a load of laundry, and simply sing her little admonishment, “Kindness is you name, Kathleen.”

It got to the point, since I was the youngest, that she didn’t even have to say – or sing- the words, she simply hummed the tune, and I would know what she was saying.

I could never understand why she couldn’t see my point. Why couldn’t Mom agree how awful this person was to me? (Keep in mind that, at 13, “awful” is a relative term. Grievances could range from looking at me wrong, to buying the same shirt as I had on, to not calling me when they said they would. You know – terrible, earth-shattering crimes in the teenage world.)

My mother rarely talked negatively about anyone, and certainly not in front of her children. In fact, the big joke in our family, to this day, is to shush anyone who is speaking poorly about someone else because “they could be listening in the windows.” (Never mind that the person may not even live in the same state. According to my mother, you never know! Wise words!)

Sadly, my mom passed away much too young and too soon for us. And, while we miss her every day, her spirit lives on. When I wrote to my family and asked them about their favorite “Mom sayings” I opened a floodgate of memories.

We remembered the good (“Things always look worse at night” – a saying I tell my children, and remind myself of often); the bad (“I could wring your neck)” and the funny ("Are you smoking Dutch cleanser?" – which I still don’t understand but was used when we asked to do something that was totally unreasonable.)

My son was just a toddler when my mother died, and my girls never met their grandmother, and yet, in many ways, they do know her. They know she loved her family (Her last words to us, “Stick together and take care of your father”), she loved the beach (“Salt air cures everything”) and she believed in, and expected, goodness from her family. (“Kindness is your name.”)

My mom’s words continue to resonate with me, conjuring up memories and life-lessons that she taught me through my early years. And while she is no longer with us, her words will be passed on and will continue to teach her grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, for years to come.

And that is a pretty good legacy for anyone to leave!

Happy Mother's Day Mom! We miss you always!

Lent is coming. Yes, it’s that time of year.

For those who aren’t familiar with Lent, it is the forty days leading up to Easter in which we concentrate on how we can become closer to God; how we can become more mindful of God and our relationship with Him, with a focus on prayer, fasting and almsgiving.

Unfortunately, for many, Lent simply means denial. What is the most asked question this week? “What are you giving up for Lent?”

Over the years, I’ve given up chocolate, diet coke, cursing, yelling, beer, and gossiping. (Wow, reading all these vices in print makes me look like a bit of a derelict!)

My children always use the same line – “I’m giving up school.” Or “I’m giving up homework.” So predictable!

My husband has joined us at times, giving up snacks or desserts. (He uses this time as a way to get back into shape before spring. Who am I to judge?) Not being Catholic, he doesn’t abstain from meat on Fridays, which has led to a few uncomfortable meals during Lent, with four pairs of eyes glaring at him as he eats his cheeseburger!

When discussing Lent with my children, I often stress that it isn’t always about giving up something. It can be about starting something positive. I tell them to think about turning a negative (no snacks) into a positive (3 pieces of fruit a day).

I like that idea. Rather than feel like we are depriving ourselves of something, why not feel like we are rewarding ourselves with a better diet or better behavior? Rather than focusing on what we are doing wrong, let’s focus on what we can do better to become a better person and closer to God.

Last week, I was sent a link to two great sites that discuss some different ideas to toss around with your family this Lenten Season. Both focus on making Lent a joyful time of devotion and anticipation rather than deprivation and dread.

Busted Halo, (www.bustedhalo.com) an online magazine for spiritual seekers, has posted a calendar on their site entitled Fast, Pray, Give. It offers daily prayers and practical ideas for fasting and almsgiving.

It encourages readers to keep at it, even if there are days that we forget or fail in our devotion. “The idea isn’t to be perfect but to continue on our path, so if you slip up one day, don’t give up; simply begin again the next day,” say the editors.

The other site that I found was LentMadness (www.LentMadness.org). Similar to March Madness and the basketball brackets, LentMadness can be described as a showdown of Saints. Started by two Episcopalian priests who wanted to lighten up the whole mood of Lent and get people a little more excited about God, this site posts two saints and allows viewers to vote for their favorite. The “Field” starts with 32 and, in keeping with the March Madness theme, narrows down to the Saintly Sixteen, the Elate Eight, the Faithful Four and finally the winner, who receives the Golden Halo.

According to their website, they are hoping LentMadness will “allow people to get to know some amazing people who have come before us in the faith and remind one another that there’s no reason for a dreary Lenten discipline.”

Last year, about 50.000 people visited the site!

Why not change things up a bit this Lenten season? Check out some of the sites mentioned, or think up some positive changes you can make in your life. Rather than ask, “What are you giving up this Lent?” let’s ask each other “What are you doing to change for the better this Lent?”

(And let me know what your Lenten resolutions are. I’d love to hear about them.)

As for me, I’m planning on checking in with the “Fast Pray Give” calendar daily. I like the idea of mixing it up each day.

I am also planning on giving up Social Media for Holy Week. This could be a tough one, as I am a bit addicted to Facebook. Stay tuned!

This I know to be true... of myself

I read somewhere (don’t ask me where; I read so much I can’t remember sources anymore. This is normal, right?)

Anyway, I recently read an article in which the author asked, “What do you know about yourself?”

I’m sure it was a question posed to someone famous, or at least someone whose biggest accomplishment of the day was NOT completing 5 loads of laundry.

Back to topic: I started thinking about what I’ve learned about myself over the past 40-something years, and came up with the following list, in no particular order:

1. I love being home.
2. I am comfortable being by myself.
3. I love the quiet.
4. I work better by myself or in smaller groups.
5. I don’t handle deadlines well.
6. I need my surroundings to be in order. (For me, a chaotic environment leads to a chaotic mind.)
7. My house is neat, not necessarily clean – and that’s okay with me.
8. I can say “No” and understand it is an acceptable and complete sentence.
9. A little guilt is good for me.
10. I can’t please everyone.
11. Not everyone is going to like me, and that’s okay. (Still working on this – I know this in my head, but my heart often has a hard time accepting it.)
12. I can’t do everything, and I won’t feel guilty about that.
13. When people say to me, “You do such a good job, I just had to ask if you would…” they really mean, “You’re a sucker and never say no to anyone, so would you please organize…” In this case, it is perfectly okay to say “No.” (See #8.)
14. I don’t do drama and I don’t play games. If you want something from me, ask.
15. I don’t like people who aren’t nice.
16. I can’t worry about what others think of me.
17. I can’t control everything. (I can’t, right?)
18. Just because I can, doesn’t mean I should.
19. I am not perfect, and never will be. (But unfortunately, I am still trying.)
20. I have to put myself first sometimes, in order to better serve others. And that’s okay!
21. I like myself… I really do!

It’s an incomplete list, as I’m sure there are other things I know of myself, but it’s a start.

What do you know about yourself?

Century-Old Tradition Continues

Long before Martin Luther King gave his “I have a dream speech” and the idea of a “Day of Service” became popular, eight women in Philadelphia had an idea. In October, 1914, surrounded by a depressed economy, high unemployment, and a war erupting in Europe, these women decided they needed to help alleviate the suffering here and abroad.

Thus began The Emergency Aid of Pennsylvania, an organization that, while tweaked throughout its history, has lasted close to 100 years.

The Emergency Aid of Pennsylvania (EA) began in a tiny house on Walnut Street in Philadelphia. Those eight women enlisted the help of family and friends to raise money, clothes and supplies and ship them overseas, to European countries in need.

Then, when the United Stated entered the War, they set up a Home Relief Division, a pre-cursor to the Red Cross, to help with emergencies closer to home, including outbreaks of flu and polio.

They sold over $68 million in war bonds.

EA established the first girls’ trade school in Philadelphia to teach unemployed women the skills they needed to obtain jobs.

And they continued their work overseas, opening service clubs for local servicemen and serving in the war zone in any way they were able.

During World Ward II, The Emergency Aid of PA had over 3,000 members, with women serving as hospital volunteers, raising funds for programs in the area, and researching projects they felt needed their attention and help. It became one of the largest women’s organizations in the Philadelphia area.

Throughout the years, EA has met each crisis that arose with speed and efficiency. Their policy was to render service until another agency was able to take over.

By the early 1980s, many of the programs started by EA had been taken over by professional organizations, as Philadelphia had more than doubled in size.

With decreasing membership, and fewer volunteers, EA decided to become a foundation in 1984. However, its members were determined to keep the spirit and tradition of its past alive.

With this in mind, The Emergency Aid Foundation of Pennsylvania was formed, with a mission to “improve the lives of women and children by providing grants to effective non-profit organizations and to encourage education, leadership and community service in young women through mentoring and by awarding scholarships.”

The Foundation has awarded over $1.7 million in grants since it was set up in 1984, with emphasis on those organizations that aid women and children.

It continues to encourage young girls with its Founders Award, which is given each year to approximately 20 9th grade girls in high schools in Southeastern Pennsylvania who have been nominated by their principals or school counselors and display high levels of service and leadership in their school and community.

The girls spend the next three years participating in seminars sponsored by EA on such relevant topics as self-esteem and time management, as well as continuing their service hours with trips to local Senior Centers and the Ronald McDonald House in Philadelphia.

Since its inception, over 500 girls have received this award and benefitted from the generosity, knowledge and tradition of this century-old organization.

EA has also awarded over $425,000 in scholarship over the years to 140 Founder Award recipients to help pay for college.

A Mentoring Program was set up in which scholarship winners are paired with an EA member to help guide and mentor them throughout their college years and beyond, forging friendships that will last a lifetime.

The Emergency Aid of PA tradition, started almost 100 years ago by those eight women, continues to aid those in need in the Philadelphia area, and beyond.

To find out more about this inspiring organization, please check out its website: www.eafoundation.org.

Just do it already

Have you ever put off doing something? And put it off! And put it off!

Oh, you have a myriad of reasons – too busy, little interest, too overwhelming, too scary. And the more you put it off, the “bigger” this thing becomes in your mind. It’s like a snowball rolling down a hill, becoming larger and gaining momentum, and you fear it like nothing else.

Then, when you can put it off no longer; when you can no longer come up with a good excuse; when the deadline has passed and the time has come; you tackle this huge thing… and you accomplish it in short order with no issues.

I cannot tell you how many times I have done this. Whether it is making a phone call I dread or cleaning out a closet or finishing a project, for some reason I will delay and delay, and the issue will become bigger and more intimidating in my mind than it really is. It doesn’t matter what it is, or how big or small it may seem to the outside world, there are just some projects that stymie me.

Yet once I finally tackle it, I often realize it really wasn’t that bad, and I wonder why I was so worried about it in the first place.

This is what happened to me recently with my writing. A few months ago, I started researching other blogs to see if I could pick up tips. And the more I read, the more insecure I became about my own writing. Instead of helping me, it hurt me. I started to doubt myself. I stopped writing. And the longer this went on, the larger this doubt became. This snowball was really picking up speed, and growing in size.

I made up excuses: kids need help, house has to be cleaned, volunteer work taking up too much of my time – anything to avoid writing.

And then a friend asked me to write something for an organization I am involved with. I respect this person, and truly believe in this group, so I knew I was going to have to step up to the plate (or sit down at the computer, as the case was) and focus.

And, after a few anxious moments and false starts, it all came back to me. Words starting flowing and sentences started forming. In a few short hours, I had a solid story I was proud to send to my friend.

That snowball melted and I was back at the computer. And here I am again… writing and enjoying it.

Lesson learned: tackle the projects that worry you first, before they become a bigger issue than they really are.

Don’t delay. Even if it’s just a small step, start. Most times, it’s all in your head.

And stop that snowball at the top of the hill, when it is still manageable! We can do it!

Summer Dreamin'

Summer is (almost) here and I’m so excited! I love everything about this time of year: the warm weather, the long sunny days, and no school! I see summer as a wonderful opportunity to slow down and concentrate on things I can’t do the other nine months of the year – either because of time or weather constraints.

Each summer, I try and make a list of goals that I want to accomplish – nothing heavy, just fun things. Here is what I have on my “to do” list this summer. Feel free to steal some. I hope they inspire you to make your own list. Don’t let this summer pass you by without achieving something fun and different.

Summer of 2012:

-Laugh more. I’m searching for the old Carol Burnett Shows to rent (hoping the local library has them; if not, Netflix here I come) but some other fun series include I Love Lucy; Mash; Seinfeld; Johnny Carson and Saturday Night Live. If they can’t get you laughing, you’re in trouble!

-Go to a midnight opening of a summer blockbuster movie. I missed Men in Black 3 but there’s still Rock of Ages (6/15), The Dark Knight Rises (7/20) and The Bourne Legacy (8/3) to see.

-Explore my town. My kids did a “Walk Through Wayne” tour with their third grade class, but I never went. This summer, I’m hoping to do a little research and find out some secret gems right here in my own home town!

-Read an inspirational summer book. (Anne Morrow Lindbergh’s Gift from the Sea was great!) On my list is A Walk on the Beach, by Joan Anderson. (I also added Summerland, by Erin Hilderbrand, to my list as well! Can’t beat a good beach book!)

-Keep a journal/summer blog. I find so many people ask me what I’ve done over the summer and I forget by September, so maybe if I write it down, it will help! (I also know re-reading it in February will help my state of mind during those long dreary winter months!)

-Write a poem. I’m not a poet – and truthfully, I don’t really “get” most poems, but I’m going to try and write one this summer!

-Paint a picture. I have absolutely NO artistic abilities, but every time I’m at A.C. Moore and see those blank canvases, my fingers itch. There is a new shop in town, Painting with a Twist, that offers people like me the chance to paint. I’m going to try it.

-Watch the Opening Ceremony of the Summer 2012 Olympics, also known as the Games of the XXX Olympiad. My whole family is excited to watch them. I want to remember to print out the schedule so we don’t miss any exciting events! (Opening Ceremony is Friday, July 27!)

-Get a Pen Pal – I grew up corresponding with a pen pal who was from Wellington, New Zealand. I would write her faithfully every month, and we exchanged not only letters, but pictures, currency and dreams. I would love to find out where she is now! And maybe reconnect? Or find a new pen pal!

-Get my Christmas shopping done. Okay, this is a tough one, but I’m determined to at least put a dent in my list. (Not wrapped, mind you, just purchased.)

-Start a Wisdom Circle – I recently heard about such a group and it peaked my interest. There is so much talk of mentoring these days, but I just want to gather a group of like-minded women together so we can cheer each other on.

-Go to a drive-in movie theater. I’ve never been to one. Becky’s Drive-In Movie Theater (www.beckysdi.com) is in Berlinsville, PA, about 1½ hours away from our house. I’d love to pile the kids in the car and catch a summer flick. (Maybe an early one?)

-Attend a concert in the park. There’s nothing like packing a picnic dinner and cocktails and enjoying an evening with my husband listening to (mediocre) music under the stars.

-Download a summer ring tone. Some suggestions include "Summer Lovin’" and "Take Me Out to the Ball Game."

-Dry our clothes (or at least sheets) outside on a clothesline. (And while I’m saving the earth this summer, I may also get a rain barrel.)

-Try an exercise class outside. There’s one on the beach that I see when I’m walking that I’ve always wanted to try. I can’t think of a better way to start a summer day than exercising outside to the sound of the seagulls calling and waves crashing!

-Create a summer/beach playlist. Some must-haves: "Summer in the City", by "Lovin’ Spoonful", "Summertime Blues", by Blue Cheer, "Hot Fun in the Summertime", by Sly and the Family Stone, anything by the Beach Boys, "The Boys of Summer", by Don Henley, and "Summer of ’69", by Bryan Adams.

-Go fishing and fry up what we catch. Okay, I’ll be honest: this will be on my husband’s summer list (which I’ll have to tell him about!). I enjoy fishing but after that, I prefer he do the clean up and cooking!

-Take better advantage of our local farmer’s market. I often go to the farmer’s market, at home and at the shore, but I don’t go as much as I should, nor do I buy as much as I’d like. Hoping to change that this summer.

-Make homemade iced tea and/or lemonade. I found a great recipe for Pink Lemonade at Coastal Living: Combine 1¼ cups sugar and ½ cup boiling water, stirring until sugar dissolves. Stir in 4½ cups cold water, 1½ cups fresh lemon juice, and ¾ cup maraschino cherry juice - Enjoy!

-Create a guest book – We always regretted not doing this at my parent’s summerhouse, so I think I’ll get one for ours. It’s a great way to remember how many people helped us celebrate our summers at the shore. And it’s not just for vacation homes; imagine the number of guests you have in your own home every year!

-Have a family water fight – I’m asking for trouble with this, but again, that’s what summer is all about – family fun. (And everyone and everything dries out – right?!)

Happy Summer!

World Book Night USA 2012

Perhaps you saw us at the train station, or in your school, or place of work. Maybe you passed us on the busy street corner and never gave us a second look. We were there. Over 25,000 of us spent the day and evening of April 23, 2012 giving out 500,000 books to readers (and non-readers) all across the United States. Why?

We were part of World Book Night USA, 2012.

Haven’t heard of it? I’m not surprised. This is the first World Book Night in the United States, but hopefully not the last.

WBN, according to its Facebook page, is a “charitable initiative designed to spread the joy and love of reading.”

It was started in the United Kingdom in 2011 and quickly gained interest here in the United States. April 23 was picked because it is UNESCO’s (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization) World Book Day (as well the date of Shakespeare’s birth and death).

I was lucky enough to hear about it on Facebook. Children’s Book World, in Haverford, PA, which was a book pick-up location for the event, posted a link to WBN a few months ago. When I looked into it further, I knew I would be participating.

The process was simple: review the list of 30 books offered (including Kindred, Enders Games, Little Bee, I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings, The Poisonwood Bible and The Stand) and pick your top three choices that you would like to share with others. A few weeks later, WBN emailed you your title, and included a list of locations (mostly bookstores and libraries) in your area where you could pick up your books.

I chose Dave Egger’s book, Zeitoun, which describes the trials and tribulations one man faces after Hurricane Katrina. It is a powerful book that I read a few years ago and still can’t get out of my head.

Each book giver was given 20 paperbacks of their title. Your goal was to get these free books into as many hands as possible, with the hopes of encouraging light or non-readers to get excited about reading.

What an incredible opportunity: giving out free books!

I decided to give my books to The Honickman Learning Center and Comcast Technology Labs, a part of Project H.O.M.E., in Philadelphia. I was told that the teachers were excited to incorporate the books into their daily lessons.

I know of others who were handing their books out at local colleges, train stations, retirement homes, even car pick-up lines at schools.

Why am I going on and on about this event that is now over and done? Two reasons: First, I want to encourage you to visit the WBN website (www.us.worldbooknight.org) and find out more about this incredible project. (At the very least, you will find their list of 30 inspirational titles and perhaps find a new book to read.)

Second, I have such a love of books that I want to share this passion with others, and encourage you to do the same. While we all can’t afford to buy 20 books and hand them out on a daily basis, we can certainly take a book we have read and loved and give it to someone we think would appreciate it, whether we know them or not.

So next April 23, when someone hands you a book and asks you to read it, or share it with others, take it and thank them, and spread the word.

Happy Reading!