Christmas Memories

I’ve decided the reason I enjoy Christmas so much is not just the gift giving or the baking or the holiday music. It’s not just the family time or the time off or the hustle and bustle.

Christmas is so special to me because of the memories. More than any other holiday, Christmas conjures up fun times and special moments in my life long gone, but never forgotten.

I remember the family Christmas parties with aunts, uncles and cousins (many of whom I didn’t even know) gathered around the piano singing “Deck the Halls” and “We Three Kings”.

I remember “helping” my dad put up the trains, or platform, as we called it, in the kitchen, assembling tiny houses and arranging miniature people in all sorts of odd configurations.

I remember using that same platform as a fort, hiding under it and dreaming of all the toys I was sure Santa would bring me.

I remember coming home from school and hearing Frank Sinatra and Johnny Mathis belting out “It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas” and “A Christmas Song” over the stereo.

I remember the smell of chocolate chip cookies as they baked in the oven (and my mom threatening us not to eat them or we wouldn’t have any on Christmas night!)

I remember helping my father decorate the Christmas tree on Christmas Eve, hanging homemade ornaments and stringing gold garland, as my mom readied the turkey in the kitchen.

I remember waking up at 5:00 a.m. and gathering on my sister’s bed, telling stories of Christmas’ past and guessing what time we could safely go down and wake our parents.

I remember rounding the corner and seeing the Christmas tree surrounded by brightly wrapped gifts, and having to wait "patiently" on the steps for my older siblings to wake up.

I remember the excitement of unwrapping each gift, an Easy Bake Oven one year, a Barbie camper another year, always amazed Santa got me just what I wanted!

I remember digging into my stocking and always finding a LifeSavers book, a toothbrush and an orange (always in the heal of the stocking) among other things. (Santa certainly was consistent!)

I remember the disappointment of having to put down all those fun toys for a few hours and going to Mass – the requisite time-out that I’m sure I needed but never wanted!

I remember the anticipation of calling my best friend and running back and forth between houses to see what we had gotten (a practice we still do to this day).

I remember it all – the excitement, wonder, joy and love Christmas brought with it. And for me, THAT is what Christmas is all about.

These days, as a mother, that excitement and joy can be overshadowed by the cleaning, shopping, cooking, wrapping and baking. However, I try and remind myself that I am now making memories for my children; memories that I hope they will hold as dear and close to their hearts as I hold mine.

And so this season I wish you all a Christmas full of fun times, delicious food, family gatherings and precious moments that will carry you through the years.

Merry Christmas to all and to all, Happy Memories!

Thankful

What I am Thankful for (in no particular order):

~1 loving husband, 2 little dogs, 3 growing children
~A warm house
~An extended family that loves to laugh
~My slightly overweight, sometimes achy but overall healthy body
~My still-curious albeit occasionally forgetful mind
~The rich delicious taste of chocolate
~The sight, sound and feel of the beach on a warm summer day
~Books, books and more books
~My warm, comfortable bed after a long, cold, stressful day
~Clean water, electricity and the Internet (taken for granted until they’re suddenly unavailable)
~The privilege of being able to read, think and worship who and what I want
~A new day
~The quiet, peaceful stillness of a sleeping household
~The honor of being a mother, sister, daughter and friend to some wonderful people
~My life – as crazy, chaotic and unpredictable as it is.

Wishing you all an abundance of blessings and joy this Thanksgiving Season!

And so it begins...

My daughter is a senior in high school. *Sigh*

Those of you who have a senior as well, or who have older children, know why I’m feeling a bit overwhelmed, sad, anxious, and stressed these days.

I’ve been through this before, with my son, and yet that doesn’t really matter. I will be going through this again in four years with another daughter, and yet it will still be overwhelming, stressful and sad.

What is “this” you ask? Well, if you must ask then you obviously don’t have a child old enough to be applying to college!

It’s not just the application process that is so overwhelming (although trying to gather and organize the transcripts, SAT scores, letters of recommendations, essays and applications can cause a bit of distress, to say the least).

It’s not just the idea that my daughter will be graduating in nine short months and embarking on a whole new life without me that makes me sad (although coming to the realization that my middle child, the always-smiling, easy-going one, will be moving on to a whole new world with new friends, new opportunities and new experiences does cause me to catch my breath).

And it’s not just the thought of the plethora of bills, tuition payments, shopping excursions and fees that make me anxious (although I am not looking forward to the Bed, Bath & Beyond trip in August to pick up all those necessities, that will cost me the equivalent of one semester’s tuition payment and will come home with me in the car because “who knew the dorm room was so small.”)

No, while all those issues are on my mind and causing me some anxiety and sleepless nights (okay, perhaps more than some), the biggest stress in my life right now is other parents!

Yes, I’m talking to all you parents and well-intentioned adults who just love to talk all about the college application process.

“Ohhhhh, you have a senior.” (Yes. What gave it away? Perhaps the fact that I just told you that, and was not smiling when I said it!)

“What an exciting time for you all!” (Exciting? If you think screaming matches, tears and sleepless nights are exciting, then yes, I guess it is! And my daughter isn’t exactly fired up either!)

“Have you looked at any schools yet?” (Looked at schools? Wow, there’s an idea. I hadn’t thought of that. We were hoping to just close our eyes and point to a school on the map.)

“I’ve heard Ivy League school 1, 2 and 3 are good schools.” (Really? I hadn’t heard that. Well, we’d rather save some money and go to Just-as-Good State Schools 1, 2 and 3.)

“What schools are you looking at?” (Like I’m going to tell you, so you can either: 1 – tell me what a “party” school it is; 2 – tell me how your niece hated that school; 3 – repeatedly ask me if she got in to that school; and/or 4 – shake your head in sympathy if she doesn’t get into that school.)

“My son/daughter (niece/nephew; grandson/granddaughter) has looked at 25 schools, applied to 15 and has been accepted to 10!” (Well good for him/her! Now I can sleep at night!)

We’ve taken to avoiding cocktail parties and sitting by ourselves at sporting events. We tend to smile and nod when college talk comes up, making vague responses such as “Really?” “Good for them!” and “We’re still looking.”

Our standard response when we’re asked about colleges: “There’s a school out there for everyone.”

Now, if it sounds like I’m a bit jaded, you’re right! I was at a party a few years ago when one woman repeatedly pestered a mom about her son, asking her no less than 10 times (I counted) where her son was applying to college. Despite such responses as “He hasn’t decided yet” and “We’re looking around,” this woman would not give up.

Why? Why do we feel the need to pry? It was obvious that this woman did not want to talk about colleges for whatever reason. Why don’t people get the hint?

My son was at a Christmas party during his senior year of high school There was a large group of other kids, parents, neighbors and various random adults there, gathered to celebrate the holiday season.

He told me that an older woman approached his group of friends and asked them where they were going to college. She then proceeded to pick apart each school mentioned, telling them what was good and/or bad with each choice.

Is this necessary? And is it anyone else’s business? Something my mom taught me comes to mind: “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all!”

These students are stressed enough (and so are their parents)! If you love(d) the whole college application process, good for you! I’m happy for you (and a little jealous)!

But I beg you, please be aware that not everyone is as happy or excited as you are. Some of us are a bit overwhelmed and anxious about the whole process. We’re concerned about getting into a school, picking the right school, and paying for that school.

If you find yourself talking to a high school senior, or parent of a senior, by all means ask how it is going. You can tell right away if that person wants to talk about it further. Take the hint!

And now, I’m off to College Night (in dark glasses and a baseball cap).

And so it begins…

18 Years

My mom died 18 years ago today.

It was a Sunday evening. I had just turned 29 and was 14 weeks pregnant with my second child.

It wasn’t a complete surprise – my mother had been diagnosed with Leukemia on New Year’s Eve, 1993, eight months after my mother-in-law died of cancer. (1993 was a very difficult year for us, to say the least!)

My mom was told she had six months to live – she survived almost two years. (Obviously the doctors didn’t know my mother - no one told her what to do!)

Despite the fact that we knew she was sick, her death was still a shock for our family. Mom had rallied once and was actually told she was in remission for a few months. As they say, with life there is hope.

While my mom was battling leukemia, my husband and I were facing our own challenge. After suffering one miscarriage, my husband and I had been trying to conceive for over a year. When we were finally given the wonderful news, we hesitated telling anyone until the required three month date, in fear of another disappointment.

We finally decided to tell my family our good news at my birthday dinner. A few hours before we were to meet, my mom called me. In a voice I had never heard her use, she told me she wouldn’t be able to make it to my dinner, she just wasn’t up to it.

I knew. My mom would never miss a birthday dinner for any of her six children. I knew.

When we were initially told our due date by the doctor, I was concerned. It was such a long way away for all of us. But I hoped and prayed that my mom would be there to see her newest grandchild.

With one phone call, that hope was dashed. I knew that wouldn’t happen.

In the bravest voice I could muster, I told my mom “No worries” and that I’d see her soon. Then I hung up the phone and cried, and cried, and cried.

I was torn. What to do? Call my mom back on the phone and tell her I was pregnant, or wait until we were all together again. I picked up the phone and shared my “good news” with her. In hindsight, it was probably the most important phone call I ever made.

The next day, my mother was rushed to the hospital. She died two days later. Had I not told her at that moment that I was pregnant, I know I wouldn’t have had the chance to tell her at all.

Was it the right choice? Yes, I think so. I hope so. I like to think my mom got a little bit of good news amidst her pain. And I know I felt better knowing that, while she may never meet my child, she knew another grandchild was on its way into our family.

As they say, life goes on. Six months later, my beautiful, sweet, easy-going daughter was born. From the beginning, she was a joy. She loved to be held by anyone and everyone and slept through the night at six weeks (unlike her brother). I have no doubt she was a gift from my mother.

I remember looking at my daughter’s face when she was born and wishing that my mom could see her. And now, 18 years later, I still wish that. I do believe my mom is up in heaven watching over us, but it sure would be nice to have one more moment with her, just to “catch up!”

18 years …

I miss you Mom.

October: Kindness is Your Name

Tomorrow is October 1. I’m sure you’re all aware of that, but I thought I’d point this out to you for a few reasons.

1. It’s the first day of one of my favorite months (not the least of which is because it is my birthday and anniversary month).
2. I have finally accepted the fact that summer is over and I am enjoying these sunny fall days and cool evenings and not missing the beach at all (okay, hardly at all).
3. I can now legitimately wear my sweaters and boots without feeling like I’m pushing the season.
4. It’s my birthday month. (Did I mention that?)

To celebrate this month, I’ve decided to make October my Random Acts of Kindness Month!

If you’ve read my blog, you know one of my mom’s favorite sayings was “Kindness is your name.” October is also meaningful to me because it is the month my mom died so, in her honor, I dedicate this month to fulfilling her wish. During the month of October, my name will be kindness.

I’ve tried to start this tradition in the past but the craziness of life always took over and made me forget. I have discovered that if I don’t write something down, I just can’t remember it. (Sad, isn’t it.)

This time, I’ve decided to jot down one act of kindness I will perform each day in October. I’m also trying not to break the bank with this project because I firmly believe kindness doesn’t require a lot of money. Having said this, my goal is to spend less than $5 (and in some cases nothing at all) each day to brighten the day of someone else – be it a friend, family member, neighbor or stranger.

Here’s my agenda for the month:

31 Acts of Kindness for the Month of October

Oct. 1 – Remember someone in your thoughts/prayers. I am attending a retreat so I plan on keeping friends and family members in my prayers.
Oct. 2 – Leave a “Take What You Need” flyer at your local library/grocery store. Here’s the one I will be posting.Take What You Need
Oct. 3 – Drop off homemade goodies to a neighbor who you feel could use a special pick-me-up, with a note telling them how special they are.
Oct. 4 – Volunteer with a local charity for the day. I volunteer with ConKerr Cancer and will be delivering pillowcases to a local hospital and Ronald McDonald House for those children suffering from life-changing illnesses.
Oct. 5 – Email someone who has helped you in the past and tell them (again) how much their guidance meant to you.
Oct. 6 – Call a family member and tell them how much you love and appreciate them.
Oct. 7 – Compliment a stranger. “Pretty dress” “Nice tie” or “Cute shoes” will cheer anyone up, especially on a Monday.
Oct. 8 – Mentor a child. I am on the board of a local organization that mentors high school girls. We will be holding a seminar today discussing the importance of self-esteem and self-confidence in teen girls.
Oct. 9 – Pay a little extra on your overdue fees at the library and give someone else the gift of a free day of reading!
Oct. 10 – Pick up trash in your neighborhood that’s been discarded on lawns and curbs.
Oct. 11 – Bring in your neighbor’s trash cans on trash/recycling day.
Oct. 12 – Make your kids’ beds today.
Oct. 13 – Spread the word about a friend’s start-up business. (Clover Market, an outdoor vintage, collectibles and craft market in Ardmore, PA is open today from 10-5. Come check it out!)
Oct. 14 – Call a friend and ask how they are, and then just listen. It’s nice to have someone ask about you for a change.
Oct. 15 – Drop off dinner to a friend/neighbor in need.
Oct. 16 – Surprise the kids with a homemade breakfast. If your house is anything like mine on a weekday, breakfast is often a Poptart or granola bar on the run. Make them pancakes or homemade waffles for a nice surprise on Hump Day!
Oct. 17 – Return the shopping cart – yours or someone elses – to its rightful location at the grocery store.
Oct. 18 – Donate canned goods to your local Church or food bank.
Oct. 19 – Say “Yes” when a cashier asks you if you want to donate $1 to a local charity.
Oct. 20 – October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month! Spread the word and encourage your mother/sister/friend/neighbor (or yourself) to get a mammogram.
Oct. 21 – Tell your family you love them! And give them a hug and a kiss! (And Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband for 24 great years!)
Oct. 22 – Donate those clothes that don’t fit anymore! Someone will be thrilled with them.
Oct. 23 – Donate a tray of baked goods and/or money to your child’s school/sports bake sale.
Oct. 24 – Thank your mailman with a plate of cookies or a simple note. (Sure it’s nice to be walking the neighborhood in October, but come February it’s the last thing anyone wants to do!)
Oct. 25 – Thank the trash men too! It’s a dirty job but thank goodness these men have stepped up to do it!
Oct. 26 – Tell a parent something good about their child. So often we hear/see the bad about our children; it’s nice when someone shares the positive about our little darlings!
Oct. 27 – Share a positive quote on FaceBook or Twitter.
Oct. 28 – Bring baked goods to a meeting.
Oct. 29 – Surprise someone with flowers, just because!
Oct. 30 – Let someone in front of you in line at the grocery store or in the carpool line.
Oct. 31 – Happy Halloween! While the kids always get the candy, don’t forget the parents who are schlepping them around the neighborhood! A piece of candy, bottle of water (or adult beverage if they are walking) is always appreciated!

That’s my plan for the month of October. You’re welcome to join me. I’d love to hear your ideas for random acts of kindness. Or, if you’ve done this before, tell me how you felt after each act or how the person you bestowed your kindness upon responded to you. October, kindness is your name! Let’s do this!

Calling All Women: Are You Up for the Challenge?

I was browsing Twitter the other day and came across the following tweet from HuffPostWomen: Dear women: stop doing these 23 things.

This caught my attention for two reasons: I don’t like to be told what to do (and not to do) and I love lists! I had to read further.

Written by Emma Gray, the article was entitled: 23 Things Every Woman Should Stop Doing I highly suggest you check it out when you get a chance.

Reading it over, I soon discovered that I was currently guilty of doing six of the 23 things on a consistent basis and, at some point in my life time, I have been guilty of all of them.

I won’t overwhelm you with all 23 transgressions but I will share with you my 6 deadly sins:

1. Apologizing all the time. Not only is this number one on this list but it is also number one on my list of things I have been trying to stop myself from doing. A few years ago, some of my friends decided to play tennis, something many of us hadn’t done in years. Our first rule: No apologizing for bad shots. Here’s how that went: “Oops, sorry.” “Oops, sorry about saying sorry.” We couldn’t get through the game without apologizing. If you watch NCIS, you may know Gibb’s Rule #6: Never apologize. While I hesitate to say never, I do say, be aware of this word – and use it sparingly!

2. Bodysnarking – out loud or in your own head. While I initially didn’t know the official definition of bodysnarking (rudely talking about a person’s body – thanks Urban Dictionary), the brief explanation of “stop putting your looks down” resonated with me. I was forever doing this until very recently. What stopped me? My daughters! I realized I didn’t want them to look at themselves as critically as I looked at myself. The old “practice what you preach” lesson rang in my head. It’s a hard habit to break, especially as we get older, but one I am determined to halt, for my daughters’ sake and my own.

3. Obsessively untagging every “unflattering” photo of you that ever existed online. I will take that one step further and say to stop ducking out of pictures in general. I am always the first to volunteer to take the picture so I don’t have to be in it. It was getting so bad that I worried my grandchildren would ask my children if they even had a mother growing up. This summer, I decided enough was enough. Now, I smile, look happy and hope for the best!

4. Holding on to regrets and GUILT (the caps are my addition). Having attended 16 years of Catholic schools, I can confidently say that the whole “Catholic guilt” thing is alive and well and living in my head. I need to get it out, NOW! How? Still working on it. I tend to obsess over remarks and comments that either I said to others, or were said to me, and pick apart every reflection and word. Anyone else have this problem? I do know it isn’t healthy, or productive, but knowing something and practicing it are two very different things.

5. Spending time with people out of obligation. Why do I feel the need to keep acquaintances, even if they’re toxic? I think I’m afraid to hurt their feelings. And I have some unrealistic desire to want everyone to like me. (And if you need further reason as to why I do this, see #4) I finally have decided that my time is precious, and if someone is going to bring me down, rather than lift me up, they aren’t worth it.

6. Being embarrassed about your interests. I’m a bit of a book nerd. I also love to watch In The Kitchen with David on QVC Wednesday evenings and Sunday mornings (can you do the Happy Dance?) and I watch a few of the Real Housewives series. There, I said it. And it wasn’t so hard. (Okay, I am cringing a little and worrying about what you all will think of me, but hey, see #4 – I’m over it!) If someone is going to judge me or make fun of me, than I probably didn’t want them as a friend anyway! And I will keep repeating that to myself even if I get snarky comments.

As the article states, women “often drive ourselves insane striving for perfection in our experiences, relationships and selves.” I say enough is enough. HuffPost Women issued a challenge to all women to stop doing these things. I never back down from a challenge. Anyone care to join me?

My newest obsession

I think I am a closet photographer. I don't have the talent, or creativity, to take professional pictures, but I am becoming a bit obsessed with Instagram !

Anyone else find themselves browsing through this addicting app while waiting in line at the grocery store? Or in the carpool line? Or watching TV at night? Or making dinner?

Yes? Then I have the activity for you. (And if you answered "No" than you obviously have a more interesting life than I do so hey, give me a call and invite me over some time!)

Next week, I will be joining The SITS Girls and their Instagram Photo Challenge !

This is a one-week challenge to share photos, meet others and share our obsession!

I think the reason I enjoy Instagram so much is because the picture (usually) is all that is needed to convey your feelings or thoughts at that moment. Now, you may be wondering why a writer doesn't want to use words. My answer: sometimes words, or at least a lot of words, are unnecessary.

As that great philosopher, Dr. Seuss, once said, "The writer who breeds more words than he needs is making a chore for the reader who reads."

Sometimes, a picture really is worth a thousand words.

If you want to join The Photo Challenge, check out the link above.

And if you want to follow me on Instagram, I'm Here !

Happy snapping!